How to Give Your Cat a Pill in Ten Easy Steps
Author:  Unknown

1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going
to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.

2. With right hand, stroke cat's throat until it opens its mouth (be patient). Drop pill into
mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.

3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around
cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.

4. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Hold
cat as before, but hold down its front paws with forearm. Drop pill into mouth.

5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from
floor and drop it into garbage can. 

6. Get new pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom
with the cat, and close the door.

7. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle
kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.

8. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight
up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't
come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth.
Quickly close mouth (his, not yours). 

9. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at
least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.

10. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your
hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours, then repeat.