Thirteen Things Dogs Don't Understand

1. It's not funny to practice woofing at 3am.
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.
3. No jumping on the bed when your soaking wet.
4. The command "SHUT THE BLOODY FUCK UP!" means just that.
5. The cat has every right to be in the sitting room.
6. Crapping on the carpet is not something deserving of a biscuit.
7. Barking at guests ten minutes after they've arrived is stupid.
8. No, we said SIT!
9. I know it's a nice leg, but don't ride it.
10. Getting up DOESN'T mean Walkies.
11. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.
12. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm NOT going to
    give in and feed you. NOT. NOT. Oh, ok. just this once.
13. No it's my chocolate ... Oh alright then, just a small piece.