WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
A dog's parents never visit.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs aren't catty.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Dogs can't talk.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your
     wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
Dogs never want foot-rubs.
Dogs seldom outlive you.
Dogs think you sing great.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
You never have to wait for a dog.  They're ready to go 24 hours a day.


HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE

Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both look stupid in hats.
Both put too much value on kissing.
Both tend to have "hip" problems.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Neither understand football.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.


HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
Though they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting.
Women leave the room to fart.
Women look good in sweaters.